Pumpkins and Poop

Yesterday was one of those days that make me feel like I am never going to get the hang of being a parent and that perhaps I am not cut out for this new job.

The morning started out with me already behind.  I had set a goal of when I would be ready to leave the house and AN HOUR after that goal, I was finally ready. (Still didn't get to eating breakfast before I left.)  Part of the delay was deciding what Max was going to wear.  I knew that there was going to be lots of photo ops and I wanted him in a cute outfit.

Brittany and I went to the Dallas Arboretum to enjoy the fall decorations (more than 50,000 pumpkins!) and some fun for the kids.  It had taken me so long to get ready at home that by the time we got there, Max was ready to eat again.  So Brittany went to stand in the face painting line while I went and sat on the grass in an empty area to feed Max.  I am still not a pro at breast feeding in public but I made it work. 

After Max was done, I noticed he had a wet spot on his pants.  Yup, my sweet child had poop coming out of his diaper, on his legs, and starting to go up his back.  Luckily Brittany was there to help me through it because I was kinda frozen and didn't know where to start to take care of this disaster.  So much for the cute outfit.  All was not lost because I had an extra onesie in the diaper bag.  Sure it wasn't as cute as I would have liked, but oh well. 

Here's the second "outfit"

 Then, we all went over to the picnic tables and I watched the two babies while Brittany took Hayden to the petting zoo.  Max was not happy.  He kept fussing and I felt like everyone was looking at me wondering why I couldn't calm my baby.  (Believe me, if I knew the trick to calm him, I would do it!)  We then started eating the picnic lunches we had brought. 

At one point I was holding Max against my shoulder and Brittany goes, "Kallie, look at his back".  I turn him around and my worst fears are comfirmed.  He had poop that leaked up his back, AGAIN - WITHIN AN HOUR!  Seriously, was this really happening???  Again, Brittany came to my rescue as I froze and told me what to do first, next, etc.

Now I am sunk.  We drove over 1/2 hour to get here.  Paid to get in.  We haven't even really seen any of the beautiful grounds yet.  But my baby now had no clothes.  I couldn't leave to go home now because that would mean Brittany and her boys would have to go too and that wouldn't be fair.  There were moms with strollers everywhere and I wasn't going to be that mom whose baby was just in a diaper.  So I wrapped him in a blanket and strapped him back in the carseat.  So much for all those photo ops.

We walked around like that and enjoyed the grounds.  Brittany got some really cute shots of her boys. 



Hayden (his face is painted like spider man)



Max





Max and another Pumpkin house



Max in the Pumpkin Patch


At one point a lady was walking next to me with an infant and asked how old Max was.  I told her 6 weeks and then, because I'd rather just get it out rather than wonder if she was sitting there judging me, I said that yes, he was wearing a blanket because he'd had diaper blowouts in both of the outfits that I had for him.  She was so kind and offered an extra onesie that she had.  I was touched that she'd offer but embarassed to accept the offer from a total stranger so I declined.  I then was polite and asked about how old her baby was and she said almost 3 months.  That was the end of the conversation and I continued walking. 

Well, a few minutes later I was standing outside the restroom with the babies while Brittany took Hayden inside and this woman came up to me, handed me a onesie and said that it was 0-3 months and her baby was nearly grown out of them anyway.  How could I refuse at that point?  She had gone to the trouble to find me in order to help me out and let's face it, my baby was wearing a blanket.  I learned her name was Melissa and thanked her profusely.  I wish that I had something to give her in return - I was thinking that if I was at work I could have given her free gum or candy or something.  But no, I had nothing to offer but my thanks.  (I am not good at receiving only without reciprocating somehow, it makes me uncomfortable.)  When I unwrapped Max he was all sweaty, I feel bad thinking how hot he would have been if he had to "wear" that blanket all day.  I am so grateful for the kindness and generosity of Melissa.  Hopefully I can pay it forward and someday be the mom who has her act together and helps out another new mom who feels lost, unprepared, and inadequate.

Outfit #3 from Melissa

I am used to running a team of 200+ people.  I direct projects for major manufacturers and retailers.  I put together proposals, manage P&Ls, lead training meetings, and coach and counsel employees.  I can accomplish all of this, so why does this one little 6 week old human make me feel like such a failure?  He has completely thrown me off my game.  People keep telling me that it gets better, I'll get better at it, don't worry.  Sure, I imagine all of that is true.  However in this moment, I don't have it down and I'm not used to feeling that way.