I really get annoyed when my posts aren't in chronological order but that's what happens when I get behind on my blogging. Sometimes I will blog about what is happening right now and then blog about what happened 2 months ago. Which then means my blog isn't chronological. Annoying! So I have fixed the dates on the posts since Max was born so they are in order. I am still behind and will need to do some more catch up posts from Max's first two months in order to be all caught up. So, what I am trying to say is, look back through older posts because you might just find a post that you haven't read because it is newly written but I've changed the date in order to make it chronological and keep my sanity. Sorry.
Peter says it's not nice to expect you to look back through my blog to figure out what is new so I will post links here to the new posts until I get caught up.
Click on the links below:
Wacky trip to Austin
A diagnosis
Max's many faces
Girl's Weekend
He likes to be naked
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
It feels like the first day of school
Today was my first day back at work. It had that same feeling of the first day back to school after summer vacation - a little bit of excitement and then disappointment that the summer is over.
Last night I started preparing so that I would have less to do this morning. I got Max's stuff all ready for his first day of being watched by Aunt Brittany. I got everything ready so that I could pump at work. The whole time I was thinking about what it was going to be like to leave him for a full day. Would I cry? Would he cry the whole day? Could I stand to be away for a whole day? What if I didn't miss him and was happy to be back at work? I didn't want the morning to come.
I was going to get myself all ready - shower the night before, maybe even straighten my hair, pick out my clothes, put together something for breakfast, etc. Max had a different idea. It was AWFUL last night. He just wouldn't go to sleep. We hardly ever have a problem getting him to go to sleep between 9-11 pm. He just wasn't going to do it last night. I tried getting him to go to sleep around 8 so that I would have plenty of time to get my stuff done. I tried until I couldn't do it anymore and then I handed him off to Peter. Peter tried forever too. Max would fall asleep but the minute we laid him down, he would wake right up and start fussing. Or if we were lucky he'd stay asleep but then would wake up 10 minutes later. So after we both put in some serious time (like an hour and a half) I figured I would feed him and then he'd go to sleep. Nope, that didn't work. "Maybe he just wasn't tired", we thought. So we played with him until he yawned and his eyes were all red. That didn't work. Same thing. No sleep. At around 11:30 I gave up and decided to lay in bed and let him lay there with me. Maybe that would work? Eventually...like at 12:30 am!!! So much for getting any of my stuff done and getting to bed at a decent hour like I had planned.
He woke up around 5:15 am to eat and I put him back to bed after he ate and I just stayed up after that because I now had a lot of stuff to do. As many of you know, I am not a morning person. AND I don't do well without a full nights sleep. --- So it felt exactly like the first day of school. You have to now get up early and that gets to be your new routine, JOY! You try and prep the night before so you can sleep as much as possible. You wake up multiple times in the night to check your clock and make sure you haven't slept through your alarm. You get up, don't feel refreshed, but have a little bit of adrenaline pumping that helps you get going.
I got everything done that I wanted to and only got out the door 20 minutes later than I had planned. Not bad considering everything I had to do for myself plus still getting Max in the car seat, etc as well. Max was great and fell back asleep in the car seat after being buckled which was what I was hoping for. I drove him to Brittany's and tried not to think about the fact that I was about to leave him (I purposely DIDN'T wear waterproof mascara so that I would have a good reason to keep my emotions in check. Waterproof mascara I think sometimes jinxes you and putting it on sort of writes it in stone that you are going to cry. side note - while we are talking of makeup, this was the first time I put on more than just some blush and mascara and actually did my hair since Max was born. Poor Peter.)
It was super hard to leave once he was at Britt's. I wanted to create excuses to keep me there. But he was sleeping and I knew I should go to work. At work, the first thing I did was put up some framed pictures of Max. It was nice to have people stop by my office or stop me in the halls to say welcome back and ask about the baby and how I was doing. I enjoyed all the adult interaction. But really all I wanted to do was pull out my phone and show them a billion pictures of my son.
My day ended up being very full and busy with all the visitors, some meetings, pumping twice (CROSSMARK is awesome and has a private room for nursing mothers only, such a nice thing!), and starting to get back into the swing of things. But regardless of being busy, I still wished I could just sit at my desk and flip through the pictures on my phone. Or, I wondered what Max was doing. Or, I wanted to text Brittany and ask how he was. Or I wanted to call Peter and see if he was missing us since he was working from home today and had the house all to himself for the first time in months.
Brittany's house is only about 10 minutes from my work so I did get to see Max for my lunch break. It's my plan to always leave during lunch and go to Brittany's so I can feed Max and get to see him for a little bit. As a nice plus, Brittany is going to feed me lunch as well. I am so lucky to have her so close. It really helped today that I was able to see him in the middle of the day. Of course, it was hard to pull myself away when I needed to leave. Hopefully I am able to continue to go to her house for lunch which will make me feel like I am not leaving Max for a full day (I do know that he is in great hands with Brittany and that she and her boys love Max).
I did it. The first day back to work has been survived. I am sure it will just get easier and easier. I am not sure that is what I want to have happen. Today, I was reminded about what it is like to get busy at work and feel like there is always more work to be done and wonder how there is time to take a break and still accomplish what I want to. I left work at 5:20 when I really wanted to leave work at 5:00. I know it's going to take some effort to get that work/life balance. I'm just not sure that I want to have to do what it takes to figured that out.
Max rolled from his belly to his back at Brittany's. Peter had been saying that Max rolls now but I never saw it so I thought that maybe Peter was stretching the truth and that Max rolled with help or something like that. But no, Brittany saw it. Before I did. :( I did get him to roll for me tonight but it was a sad reminder of things I stand to miss out on if I work.
But then, at work, people were genuinely happy to see me back. People already need my help with things. I put things on my to-do list and got some crossed off. I had conversations about the good things in my future at CROSSMARK, etc. It felt good to be in an environment where I feel confident about what I am doing and know that I make good decisions and am good at what I do. People look to me for answers.
That's not what it's like for me when I am home being a mom to Max. I get very little done. I'm unsure of myself. I'm insecure. I'm googling what to do. I'm asking my sisters for their advice.
So, yes, it felt like the first day of school. But it was the first day of a completely voluntary school, where you have no obligation to continue and know that can quit anytime you wanted to. It was rough.
Last night I started preparing so that I would have less to do this morning. I got Max's stuff all ready for his first day of being watched by Aunt Brittany. I got everything ready so that I could pump at work. The whole time I was thinking about what it was going to be like to leave him for a full day. Would I cry? Would he cry the whole day? Could I stand to be away for a whole day? What if I didn't miss him and was happy to be back at work? I didn't want the morning to come.
I was going to get myself all ready - shower the night before, maybe even straighten my hair, pick out my clothes, put together something for breakfast, etc. Max had a different idea. It was AWFUL last night. He just wouldn't go to sleep. We hardly ever have a problem getting him to go to sleep between 9-11 pm. He just wasn't going to do it last night. I tried getting him to go to sleep around 8 so that I would have plenty of time to get my stuff done. I tried until I couldn't do it anymore and then I handed him off to Peter. Peter tried forever too. Max would fall asleep but the minute we laid him down, he would wake right up and start fussing. Or if we were lucky he'd stay asleep but then would wake up 10 minutes later. So after we both put in some serious time (like an hour and a half) I figured I would feed him and then he'd go to sleep. Nope, that didn't work. "Maybe he just wasn't tired", we thought. So we played with him until he yawned and his eyes were all red. That didn't work. Same thing. No sleep. At around 11:30 I gave up and decided to lay in bed and let him lay there with me. Maybe that would work? Eventually...like at 12:30 am!!! So much for getting any of my stuff done and getting to bed at a decent hour like I had planned.
He woke up around 5:15 am to eat and I put him back to bed after he ate and I just stayed up after that because I now had a lot of stuff to do. As many of you know, I am not a morning person. AND I don't do well without a full nights sleep. --- So it felt exactly like the first day of school. You have to now get up early and that gets to be your new routine, JOY! You try and prep the night before so you can sleep as much as possible. You wake up multiple times in the night to check your clock and make sure you haven't slept through your alarm. You get up, don't feel refreshed, but have a little bit of adrenaline pumping that helps you get going.
I got everything done that I wanted to and only got out the door 20 minutes later than I had planned. Not bad considering everything I had to do for myself plus still getting Max in the car seat, etc as well. Max was great and fell back asleep in the car seat after being buckled which was what I was hoping for. I drove him to Brittany's and tried not to think about the fact that I was about to leave him (I purposely DIDN'T wear waterproof mascara so that I would have a good reason to keep my emotions in check. Waterproof mascara I think sometimes jinxes you and putting it on sort of writes it in stone that you are going to cry. side note - while we are talking of makeup, this was the first time I put on more than just some blush and mascara and actually did my hair since Max was born. Poor Peter.)
It was super hard to leave once he was at Britt's. I wanted to create excuses to keep me there. But he was sleeping and I knew I should go to work. At work, the first thing I did was put up some framed pictures of Max. It was nice to have people stop by my office or stop me in the halls to say welcome back and ask about the baby and how I was doing. I enjoyed all the adult interaction. But really all I wanted to do was pull out my phone and show them a billion pictures of my son.
My day ended up being very full and busy with all the visitors, some meetings, pumping twice (CROSSMARK is awesome and has a private room for nursing mothers only, such a nice thing!), and starting to get back into the swing of things. But regardless of being busy, I still wished I could just sit at my desk and flip through the pictures on my phone. Or, I wondered what Max was doing. Or, I wanted to text Brittany and ask how he was. Or I wanted to call Peter and see if he was missing us since he was working from home today and had the house all to himself for the first time in months.
Brittany's house is only about 10 minutes from my work so I did get to see Max for my lunch break. It's my plan to always leave during lunch and go to Brittany's so I can feed Max and get to see him for a little bit. As a nice plus, Brittany is going to feed me lunch as well. I am so lucky to have her so close. It really helped today that I was able to see him in the middle of the day. Of course, it was hard to pull myself away when I needed to leave. Hopefully I am able to continue to go to her house for lunch which will make me feel like I am not leaving Max for a full day (I do know that he is in great hands with Brittany and that she and her boys love Max).
I did it. The first day back to work has been survived. I am sure it will just get easier and easier. I am not sure that is what I want to have happen. Today, I was reminded about what it is like to get busy at work and feel like there is always more work to be done and wonder how there is time to take a break and still accomplish what I want to. I left work at 5:20 when I really wanted to leave work at 5:00. I know it's going to take some effort to get that work/life balance. I'm just not sure that I want to have to do what it takes to figured that out.
Max rolled from his belly to his back at Brittany's. Peter had been saying that Max rolls now but I never saw it so I thought that maybe Peter was stretching the truth and that Max rolled with help or something like that. But no, Brittany saw it. Before I did. :( I did get him to roll for me tonight but it was a sad reminder of things I stand to miss out on if I work.
But then, at work, people were genuinely happy to see me back. People already need my help with things. I put things on my to-do list and got some crossed off. I had conversations about the good things in my future at CROSSMARK, etc. It felt good to be in an environment where I feel confident about what I am doing and know that I make good decisions and am good at what I do. People look to me for answers.
That's not what it's like for me when I am home being a mom to Max. I get very little done. I'm unsure of myself. I'm insecure. I'm googling what to do. I'm asking my sisters for their advice.
So, yes, it felt like the first day of school. But it was the first day of a completely voluntary school, where you have no obligation to continue and know that can quit anytime you wanted to. It was rough.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Fingers crossed and knock on wood
Max has slept from 10 pm to 7 am the past two nights. He has slept through the night (meaning I don't have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed him) probably 3 times total before this and never 2 nights in a row. So I have my fingers crossed that this is a pattern that will continue. Have we finally figured out the trick to getting him to sleep through the night? I hope so! (KNOCK ON WOOD)
Here's him sleeping this morning after his 7 am meal - he sleeps so soundly that I still often check to make sure he's breathing.
UPDATE 11/24/11 -
Well, he hasn't been sleeping completely through the night. What we've been getting since I have gone back to work is usually 6 hours of sleep, then he wakes up to eat, and then another 3 hours of sleep after that. I can deal with it this way. Especially since after the feeding, I just swaddle him back up and let him sleep in our bed. I don't have the energy or alertness to stand up and soothe him back to sleep and then lay him down in the pack-n-play. And if I just leave him in our bed, he usually falls right asleep, no problem.
UPDATE 11/24/11 -
Well, he hasn't been sleeping completely through the night. What we've been getting since I have gone back to work is usually 6 hours of sleep, then he wakes up to eat, and then another 3 hours of sleep after that. I can deal with it this way. Especially since after the feeding, I just swaddle him back up and let him sleep in our bed. I don't have the energy or alertness to stand up and soothe him back to sleep and then lay him down in the pack-n-play. And if I just leave him in our bed, he usually falls right asleep, no problem.
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