July 28th

"Kallie, it's not good" is what Peter said when I walked outside my office to meet him. 

I had just gotten off the phone with Peter in my office (in the middle of a meeting) because my office phone wouldn't stop ringing and I finally looked at it and saw Peter's area code on the caller I.D.  I had wondered why he would be calling my office phone and that's when I checked my cell phone.  I had just seen all the missed calls on my phone from my dad, Brittany, and Peter.  I called Peter and he said I needed to come outside right then.

So I did.  And that's what he said.  And I knew.

I'm not sure that I'm ready to blog about everything that happened after yet.  I don't know if I will ever be able to blog about it.  I think I will, I hope I will, because I want to remember even though I don't want to remember.  How much to share?  How much to keep private?  I don't have a private journal.  This has been my way of journaling so this is the most likely place to put my thoughts.  But, I am aware that this isn't private.  Will I want to go back and read these thoughts later???  I don't know.

I went public with this blog mainly for her.  I knew it would make her happy and she'd get to feel involved more than she did from our phone conversations.  For some reason I had a hard time sharing this pregnancy experience over the phone and preferred to keep quiet about things.  I was aware each time I blogged that she'd be reading it.  And now...   ...   ...  some of the wind is gone out of my sails. 

So, we'll see.