Today was overall, a rough day. My milk started coming in, which is a good thing for the baby but a bad thing for me. My pain killers unfortunately were not strong enough to help me avoid the pain from rock hard boobs that will make you flinch with pain if a hair were to fall on them. (Not to mention my poor bra that was losing the battle of containing them. If I go through through this again, someone remind me to buy a comfy cheap nursing bra just for the few days my milk is coming in because it will be stretched to its limits and unlikely to ever recover.) :)
It WAS nice to have my milk come in while I was still in the hospital because then the lactation consultants were there to help, and ask questions of that I would normally have not asked had I been at home already. Emmalyn was losing weight, like all newborns do, but they were starting to talk about supplementing with formula and I really didn't want to do that. They said that if she lost more than 10% of her body weight that we would need to look to use some formula. She was born on Sunday at 7 lbs 5 oz. on Monday she weight 6 lbs 12 oz and on Tuesday was down to 6 lbs 11 oz. We were one oz away from hitting that 10%. I had an awesome night nurse for the baby who didn't want to supplement either so she suggested that we nurse every 2 hours (instead of the 3 I had been doing) and the frequency along with the fact that my milk was coming in should be enough to start putting weight back on her. DEAL! (Although nursing every 2 hours, especially at night is a killer!)
Lots of nursing means lots of burping and disrupting her sleep...
...Never mind, she's asleep again
Brittany brought Max and Landen for a visit this morning. It didn't go well. Max had no interest in Emmalyn.
More interested in watching tv.
The gorgeous flowers we received. Bouquet on the left is from my work (the Dedicated Team Division Managers), the middle is from Peter's job (South and Western), and the one on the right is from Kimberly.
I loved this arrangement. My sister knows me so well!
Hydrangea plant from Mary Ann and Erika
Balloons from Brittany - the Dora balloon is for Maxwell. :)
Our hospital room - this is the living room
Another view of the living room. The couch pulls out and is the bed Peter has been sleeping on.
My part of the room
Max DID try to put a hat on his sister. That was the extent of their interaction this morning.
The photographer came by this morning to take pictures of Emmalyn in our room. It was perfect because she came when Max was there so I was happy we could also take a family picture. I put on a real shirt and some makeup and we did Max's hair.
We played dress up with Emmalyn to decide what she'd wear. I should have taken a picture. I brought 8 different choices between nightgowns and outfits. I clearly over packed. :)
All "dolled" up for the photo shoot
The photo shoot did NOT go well. I had such a great experience with the photographer last time and this was such a disappointment. The pics of Emmalyn looked like they were good but Max absolutely would not be in a picture with his sister regardless of how we bribed him. He would only do a picture if Peter and I were also in it and as long as his sister wasn't touching him.
Then, when the photographer was reviewing the pics I was bummed with the family pic...felt like she was trying too hard to "sell" me on her crap extras...I didn't like that she just presented us with what she felt were the best pics without letting us look at the others and choose them ourselves...Peter was focused on entertaining Max and not looking at the pictures...the little boys were extremely high energy...I didn't feel that the photographer cared about what I wanted (how things were cropped, etc.)... All this was going on and I quickly hit my limit (I almost wrote "max" but then figured that sounded bad...ha!) So I just shut it down, told her all we wanted was the CD, we didn't want any prints or extras....just give me cd (with 8 pictures for 150 freakin dollars!) and let's be done with this.
Grrr...not how I wanted it to go down. I wanted to have great pics that we could use for her announcements and get it all ordered right then. I wanted a great family picture (all of the family pics were bad...not 1 had us all looking good - why didn't she see that and suggest we do it again?!). I wanted Peter to care- or show that he cared in the way that I wanted.
Landen could have held her all day
(I just LOVE this hat that my Aunt Tammy made her!)
High energy, extra whiny Maxwell
Part of the problem - Peter gave the boys snacks from the snack room to keep them happy but unfortunately the snacks were sugar filled and pumped the kids up.
The icing on my perfect-morning-cake came during goodbyes when Maxwell refused to kiss me goodbye. I tried not to show how much it affected me but I was devastated. I have worried for months about if he would resent me for changing his life with this little baby or would love me less because I had to share my attention. His denial, in my mind, confirmed my fears.
After everyone left, I was able to breathe again and just loved on the baby and all her different faces.
Doesn't she look like a little Asian baby with those eyes and that skin tone? Luckily Peter trusts me and doesn't question her parentage. :)
We enjoyed a nice visit from our friend Andrea. She brought her new son C who is just about 6 weeks older than Emmalyn. He looked so big compared to her! Poor Andrea asked how I was doing and I melted down. Tears streaming down my face, unable to stop crying, I shared my disappointment with the photo shoot, Max shutting me down, and frustrations with Peter and how he didn't react how I wanted.
(Looking back - - OH THE HORMONES!!!! My poor friend and husband who had to put up with me and my heightened emotions...)
The plan was for me to be released from the hospital the next morning so they scheduled for us to have our celebration dinner that night - Steak and chicken/lobster with great sides and amazing chocolate cake! However, when my Doctor came to visit that morning, I asked if I could stay another night. (I remember last time that she had offered for me to stay an extra day if I wanted, which I declined and immediately regretted once we actually got home. I told Peter to remind me of that regret if we ever had another kid.) She said that I could, my insurance would cover it and I said YES, PLEASE! Peter was understandably not overjoyed with this but he supported my desire. The hospital isn't exactly all fun and games for him. He pretty much sits in the same chair for most of the day except to help with the baby, fetch snacks and water for his wife, or go on long, slow romantic walks down the hospital halls with his wife.
Since we had already ordered our celebration dinner, we had it today even though we weren't leaving in the morning. The food was fantastic (mmmmm steak)!
That evening Brittany dropped Max off for a visit. It was later in the day (which would mean a late bedtime), but I missed him and wanted to see him. He went with his dad down to the hospital cafe to get some dinner. They brought it up and we enjoyed some quality time together while Emmalyn was in the nursery. It was exactly what I needed. I was able to feel connected with him again and it felt so good to just spend time with him, alone. It helped me feel like everything would be okay and that he still loves his Momma.
After Max's dinner they brought the baby back in. He didn't want to hold her but he did interact with her and tried to give her a binky. We worked with him on being soft with the baby. He was cute and asked her if she was hungry and even gave her a kiss on the cheek!
Video - Max actually touching his sister and getting involved with her! (It's long...sorry - not going to take the time to edit it)
He saw me nursing her and comes over on the bed and said he wanted to feed her with his nipple. He then pulled up his shirt and said he wanted to give her "Max's milk". (We have emphasized that she doesn't eat food - only Momma's milk.) It was quite sweet but we quickly explained that isn't how it worked. :)
When it was time for him to go back home with Peter so he could go to bed, he gave his sister kisses and said goodbye. It was the most he interacted with her yet! This visit was the perfect remedy to the rough morning for both me and Max as well as Max and his sister.
Healthy dinner of hot dog, fries, and chips
Ice cream for dessert (the ice cream in the snack room was sooooooo good)
Always crossing his feet, regardless of where he's at. :)
Sweetly sleeping like a baby
I can't believe we've been in the hospital for 3 full days. Time is going so fast even though we aren't really doing anything!
Whew - today was certainly emotional. I realized that the nurses had skipped giving me one of my pain pills during the day so that probably didn't help things at all. Unfortunately I didn't realize it until I got the next one.
One special thing happened today - I got a call from my friend Gina's mom. Gina passed away a few months after Max was born from cancer. She was a dear friend from work who was so excited about Max joining our lives. Anyway, her mom called me from Gina's old phone to tell me that Gina had lost a court case that she had started while she was living. I thought it was quite odd that her mom would think to call me after all this time and tell me this. And then she asked about the baby and I realized she was talking about Max and not the baby I just had. However, after I hung up the phone I got to thinking. I truly believe in life after death and I think that there are times that our loved ones find ways to still touch our lives even though we don't live in the same world anymore. There is nothing about this phone call that made sense. Why would her mom continue to pay for service on Gina's phone when she has been gone more than 2 years? Why would she call me to share this news? (I met her mom once at the funeral - click to read about Gina and the funeral) Why would this call come today? Then it hit me...the call wasn't about Gina's mom or the news she had to share. It was GINA. This was the way that Gina had found to reach out and touch me...to let me know that she knew about Emmalyn and wanted ME to know that she knew. I was so touched and cried a bunch about it (of course I cried...you see the day I'm having!).
Two things to remember for next time (if there is a next time). After surgery, I had a weird bruising on my right thigh. The nurses couldn't figure it out but seemed concerned and would talk about it on every shift change. Peter remembered that I had something exactly like this last time. One of the nurses (or dr's) finally put two and two together once Peter remembered this had happened before and figured out that the bruising was exactly where the doctor put the grounding pad that I think they use during the surgery to keep the electric tools grounded. Something about it must be causing a reaction with my skin. It wasn't painful and was no big deal to me. What was causing me issues was a reaction my skin was having to the adhesive tape that was used both in the surgery and then after. It irritated my skin and caused it to itch. My doctor ordered some hydrocortizone cream and neosporin because it was starting to blister as well (I think I spelled both of those wrong..). No fun
Peter clued into my crappy day and was really kind, helpful, and attentive that evening. I appreciated his support.
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