(Happy?!) Mother's Day 2014 - - AKA Kallie is an idiot who makes her own life painful

I think we should abolish silly holidays like "mother's day".  Or at least, cancel them from my calendar.  They just lead to stupid expectations for a day that aren't going to be met and thus lead to disappointment.

I had these lovely visions of a Mother's Day where I could sleep in, enjoy breakfast in bed, and be pampered all day by my family and the day would end with a delicious dinner at a restaurant.   HAAAAAA.   I think things have been so rough lately that I clung to this vision because it would be a break from the daily grind.

Here was reality (which wasn't bad, but because of my lovely vision and expectations the day was doomed to not make me happy)...

Peter had to take Aja to the airport REALLY early.  No big deal.  I could handle Emmalyn's feeding during that time and he'd be back in enough time to take over and I could go back to sleep!  Unfortunately Aja got to the airport after the check-in cutoff so she wasn't allowed to board and had to be put on the next flight that left 4 hours later.  Peter didn't want her sitting at the airport that long so he turned around on his way home to go get her and take her to breakfast (it was her Mother's day too!).  When he called me to let me know that the plan had changed and he wouldn't be home when we had planned, I understood and was okay with it.  Doesn't mean I wasn't disappointed.  There went my plans for sleeping in.

Now, Mother's Day was just like every other day where Max would be on the iPad while I tried to sleep for a few minutes while Emmalyn slept and then I'd struggle to keep both of them happy while we got ready for the day.  Except it was worse because usually Peter would go get Max when he woke up and get him some milk and dry cereal and bring him to our bed.  Now that task was mine too.

Good morning

Max continued to get more sores thanks to the Hand Foot and Mouth Disease

Peter eventually made it home later that morning and brought me these beautiful roses, two sweet cards - one from Max and one from himself

He also brought donuts and McDonalds breakfast

My sweet husband tried to make it good but I just couldn't get past the crappy start to the day.

I appreciated the breakfast he picked up but it wasn't a yummy, home cooked breakfast in bed.  I appreciated the cards and flowers but was disappointed that he didn't have a present for me.  I didn't get a physical present for our anniversary and then nothing for Mother's Day?  It's not like Mother's Day was a surprise.  I know he just picked those cards up this morning.  Where was the forethought?

He offered to go to the grocery store and I let him but it just made me more ticked.  Here's again where I get in my own way...  I know he thought he was being nice by offering to go to the store since normally I would beg for him to do this.  However, now that I am home with the kids during the day, his offer felt like a punishment for me.  Going to the grocery store alone seems like a heavenly dream.  A chance to get out of the house?  By myself?  Feel like a normal human?  Yes please!  So when he went, it meant that I was stuck at home...again...by myself with the kids...while he got a break and got to get away from it all.  Yet, did I communicate to him that I would prefer to go to the store while he stayed with the kids?  No.  Instead I just sat there simmering in my victimness because my selfish husband was once again taking care of himself instead of pampering me on my special day and giving me a break.  (DUH KALLIE. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT AND COMMUNICATE!!!!!)

Here's my "break"...oh wait, I didn't get one.  It was just like every other day.

That's pretty much how the rest of the day went.  I wanted Peter to surprise me by picking out a great restaurant for dinner or being up for doing something fun as a family outside the house.  (Especially since we didn't get to go out last night for our anniversary.)  But instead we sat around and did nothing special.  We didn't leave the house.  And by the time it was PAST time for dinner, I was so hurt and mad that I refused to contribute to the conversation about what we should do for dinner.  So I let him pick.  He picked Firehouse Subs.  Seriously?!  It's freaking MOTHERS DAY and you are going to celebrate my role by picking up subs?  It was more evidence that supported my inner conversation about what a crappy day this was, how Peter didn't care about making it special for me, and how awful my life was.

I know, I know, I know.  I'm an idiot.  I'm only publicly writing about my ridiculous and embarrassing behavior as a painful reminder to myself to knock it off and take a different approach next time.  It wasn't a bad day.  The only thing that made it bad was myself and my crappy attitude and inability to communicate effectively.  

Emmalyn turned 4 weeks old today.

• I used some Doterra Digestzen (diluted) on her today because it seemed like her tummy was really upset.  Her first time using oils!
• We have been having some really rough nights lately
• We are getting more awake time from her and even a little eye contact!
• She SCREAMS during diaper changes.  During the day, it's manageable but at night when Peter is changing her before giving her to me to nurse, it's TORTURE.
• We've heard some coos but they seem to be more of an accident and not on purpose.  We ARE getting softer noises - for example she has a softer cry now and not just her full on scream.  It seems like we are getting closer to real coos. She still makes the grunting and snorting noises.
• She is really good at holding her head up.
• The only smiles we get are when she's sleeping but we are getting different facial reactions from her that show that she's reacting to you.
• She sometimes likes the bouncy seat.
• She loves having her hand by her face.
• She hates getting dressed..
• She has such a little waist.  The 0-3 month bloomers can be on her with a gap between her body and the elastic, they aren't even stretched.
• Today it seems like her baby acne is getting better.
• I think we have dodged the HFMD, she doesn't have any of the symptoms.
• Peter has the touch and is able to get her to burp...to sleep...to calm down...etc. while I feel like I don't know any of the answers.  For example, someone will ask does she like this or does she like this and I feel dumb because I don't know the answer.  I don't have a feel for anything yet.  You would think I just brought her home and not that I was 4 weeks into this.
• I wonder what she will look like in a few months...what color eyes will she have?  Will she keep her dark hair and darker complexion?  Will everything change?
• She doesn't have a birthmark (yet?)
• If we put her on tummy time, she will immediately roll over to her back and can roll both to her left and her right to avoid being on her tummy.  This didn't just happen once, but MANY times.
• There are times, in the middle of the night, when I will just leave the lamp on after she nurses because if I turn the light off after I lay her back down it seems to be a guarantee that she will wake up and scream.  Peter and I are both so tired that having the light on does nothing to keep us awake.  :)
• Nursing is going great.  I don't have to worry about her latch anymore because she's gotten the hang of it.  No need to use lanolin oil.  It's going smoothly!  Interestingly, I have noticed that I rarely feel "full" and have learned that is normal for moms who have nursed before because your breasts have held more milk before (for your previous child) and so holding the lesser amount of milk needed for a newborn doesn't max out the space in there.  I was worried that I might not be producing enough so was happy to learn this.  Also, I noticed that I don't have to help her latch anymore.  She's able to do get a good latch herself and finally understands she needs to keep her hand out of the way.  These two things make nursing so much easier!