Mid May 2014

Another week...which means another 5 days where I'm trying to keep things afloat until Peter gets home.  Some moments are amazing and then just like that, BAM, things are flipped on their head and I feel like I'm in a nightmare.

I decided that if she was going to catch the HFMD, she would have caught it already so I let Max kiss her again.

He's so cute - after he kisses her he pulls back with a big smile and goes, "Ha Hah!" in a cute high voice.  He's really proud of himself for kissing her.  :)

Still has some long hair in the back

These two silly boys wanted to pretend they were sleeping.  (I think Max is so cute in his big boy underwear plus it makes him look so big!)

We went to lunch at McDonalds with Andrea, S, and little baby C (just 2 months older than Emmalyn).  Max, as usual, had zero desire to play on the play place.  Sadly, all S wanted was someone to play with her.  She kept asking him and he kept saying "No, thank you.  I don't want to play," and instead sat there coloring.  She eventually gave up and colored too.

Max put the plastic spider he got in his Happy Meal on his sister.  YUCK!

Trying to hold that binkie in?  You'd think so but this does nothing to keep it in.

We spent too long at McDonald's.  I was enjoying being out of the house and getting to visit with Andrea.  I should have done a better job of cutting it off and getting home so Max could take a nap.  He was so well behaved the whole time and so I just stayed.  Then on the way home I felt bad because he fell asleep and Emmalyn was screaming hungry.  Bad mom choice.  I need to do shorter visits in the future.

Max rolled into the edge of his bed the other day - did you ever known anyone to bruise their ear?

Love that startle reflex

Superhero cousins - Maxwell and Landen

She worked that arm out of her swaddle.  This must be way more comfortable.  :)

Grocery shopping in the rain meant that Max got to hold the umbrella by himself for the first time.

Some days it just feels like the entire universe is against me...

I was so sleepy this morning that I didn't make Max take his diaper off and go potty.  When I finally got around to it, I found this lovely wet spot he left behind.  Sigh...the last thing I had energy for is changing the sheets.  A sign of how exhausted I was, I was so tired that I decided to just let it go...it would dry after all.

Then I was holding a screaming baby and trying to get Max a breakfast of yogurt and applesauce.  My efforts were rewarded by the yogurt slipping out of my hand when I reached for it and splattering all over the floor.  Awesomeness.  Something else to clean up.  Sigh.  And I still have a screaming baby and a hungry toddler.  (Peter has stated recently that he can't understand why I can't multi-task anymore.  Hello - this is exactly why I can't.  Stuff like this happens.)

See how bad her acne has gotten?  It's spread to her jawline, behind her ear, chin, temples, and forehead.  

I left Maxwell with Brittany and took Emmalyn out with me.  I needed to get out of the house and feel like I was getting something accomplished.  So we hit the baby store for some breast pump supplies.

Then we went to the maternity ward at the hospital to pick up some new tubing for the breast pump and a prescription from my doctor for a new pump (since insurance covers them now, I figured I would get a secondary one that I can just leave at work rather than bring it home every day).  Now that I had the new tubing, I started pumping in the morning after nursing to start building up a supply for when I go back to work.

Blue sucker tongue.  Max still picks a sucker for him and then a sucker for me after swimming lessons.

We are trying to decide where to send Max to preschool next year so we visited a Montessori school.  He was really excited to "go to school" and did a good job of interacting with the teachers (and showing off).

So grateful for this happy boy's spirit - it lightens my heavy days.

She was intently watching something...

...her friend, the ceiling fan.  He gets he attention more than anyone else.

(Happy?!) Mother's Day 2014 - - AKA Kallie is an idiot who makes her own life painful

I think we should abolish silly holidays like "mother's day".  Or at least, cancel them from my calendar.  They just lead to stupid expectations for a day that aren't going to be met and thus lead to disappointment.

I had these lovely visions of a Mother's Day where I could sleep in, enjoy breakfast in bed, and be pampered all day by my family and the day would end with a delicious dinner at a restaurant.   HAAAAAA.   I think things have been so rough lately that I clung to this vision because it would be a break from the daily grind.

Here was reality (which wasn't bad, but because of my lovely vision and expectations the day was doomed to not make me happy)...

Peter had to take Aja to the airport REALLY early.  No big deal.  I could handle Emmalyn's feeding during that time and he'd be back in enough time to take over and I could go back to sleep!  Unfortunately Aja got to the airport after the check-in cutoff so she wasn't allowed to board and had to be put on the next flight that left 4 hours later.  Peter didn't want her sitting at the airport that long so he turned around on his way home to go get her and take her to breakfast (it was her Mother's day too!).  When he called me to let me know that the plan had changed and he wouldn't be home when we had planned, I understood and was okay with it.  Doesn't mean I wasn't disappointed.  There went my plans for sleeping in.

Now, Mother's Day was just like every other day where Max would be on the iPad while I tried to sleep for a few minutes while Emmalyn slept and then I'd struggle to keep both of them happy while we got ready for the day.  Except it was worse because usually Peter would go get Max when he woke up and get him some milk and dry cereal and bring him to our bed.  Now that task was mine too.

Good morning

Max continued to get more sores thanks to the Hand Foot and Mouth Disease

Peter eventually made it home later that morning and brought me these beautiful roses, two sweet cards - one from Max and one from himself

He also brought donuts and McDonalds breakfast

My sweet husband tried to make it good but I just couldn't get past the crappy start to the day.

I appreciated the breakfast he picked up but it wasn't a yummy, home cooked breakfast in bed.  I appreciated the cards and flowers but was disappointed that he didn't have a present for me.  I didn't get a physical present for our anniversary and then nothing for Mother's Day?  It's not like Mother's Day was a surprise.  I know he just picked those cards up this morning.  Where was the forethought?

He offered to go to the grocery store and I let him but it just made me more ticked.  Here's again where I get in my own way...  I know he thought he was being nice by offering to go to the store since normally I would beg for him to do this.  However, now that I am home with the kids during the day, his offer felt like a punishment for me.  Going to the grocery store alone seems like a heavenly dream.  A chance to get out of the house?  By myself?  Feel like a normal human?  Yes please!  So when he went, it meant that I was stuck at home...again...by myself with the kids...while he got a break and got to get away from it all.  Yet, did I communicate to him that I would prefer to go to the store while he stayed with the kids?  No.  Instead I just sat there simmering in my victimness because my selfish husband was once again taking care of himself instead of pampering me on my special day and giving me a break.  (DUH KALLIE. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT AND COMMUNICATE!!!!!)

Here's my "break"...oh wait, I didn't get one.  It was just like every other day.

That's pretty much how the rest of the day went.  I wanted Peter to surprise me by picking out a great restaurant for dinner or being up for doing something fun as a family outside the house.  (Especially since we didn't get to go out last night for our anniversary.)  But instead we sat around and did nothing special.  We didn't leave the house.  And by the time it was PAST time for dinner, I was so hurt and mad that I refused to contribute to the conversation about what we should do for dinner.  So I let him pick.  He picked Firehouse Subs.  Seriously?!  It's freaking MOTHERS DAY and you are going to celebrate my role by picking up subs?  It was more evidence that supported my inner conversation about what a crappy day this was, how Peter didn't care about making it special for me, and how awful my life was.

I know, I know, I know.  I'm an idiot.  I'm only publicly writing about my ridiculous and embarrassing behavior as a painful reminder to myself to knock it off and take a different approach next time.  It wasn't a bad day.  The only thing that made it bad was myself and my crappy attitude and inability to communicate effectively.  

Emmalyn turned 4 weeks old today.

• I used some Doterra Digestzen (diluted) on her today because it seemed like her tummy was really upset.  Her first time using oils!
• We have been having some really rough nights lately
• We are getting more awake time from her and even a little eye contact!
• She SCREAMS during diaper changes.  During the day, it's manageable but at night when Peter is changing her before giving her to me to nurse, it's TORTURE.
• We've heard some coos but they seem to be more of an accident and not on purpose.  We ARE getting softer noises - for example she has a softer cry now and not just her full on scream.  It seems like we are getting closer to real coos. She still makes the grunting and snorting noises.
• She is really good at holding her head up.
• The only smiles we get are when she's sleeping but we are getting different facial reactions from her that show that she's reacting to you.
• She sometimes likes the bouncy seat.
• She loves having her hand by her face.
• She hates getting dressed..
• She has such a little waist.  The 0-3 month bloomers can be on her with a gap between her body and the elastic, they aren't even stretched.
• Today it seems like her baby acne is getting better.
• I think we have dodged the HFMD, she doesn't have any of the symptoms.
• Peter has the touch and is able to get her to burp...to sleep...to calm down...etc. while I feel like I don't know any of the answers.  For example, someone will ask does she like this or does she like this and I feel dumb because I don't know the answer.  I don't have a feel for anything yet.  You would think I just brought her home and not that I was 4 weeks into this.
• I wonder what she will look like in a few months...what color eyes will she have?  Will she keep her dark hair and darker complexion?  Will everything change?
• She doesn't have a birthmark (yet?)
• If we put her on tummy time, she will immediately roll over to her back and can roll both to her left and her right to avoid being on her tummy.  This didn't just happen once, but MANY times.
• There are times, in the middle of the night, when I will just leave the lamp on after she nurses because if I turn the light off after I lay her back down it seems to be a guarantee that she will wake up and scream.  Peter and I are both so tired that having the light on does nothing to keep us awake.  :)
• Nursing is going great.  I don't have to worry about her latch anymore because she's gotten the hang of it.  No need to use lanolin oil.  It's going smoothly!  Interestingly, I have noticed that I rarely feel "full" and have learned that is normal for moms who have nursed before because your breasts have held more milk before (for your previous child) and so holding the lesser amount of milk needed for a newborn doesn't max out the space in there.  I was worried that I might not be producing enough so was happy to learn this.  Also, I noticed that I don't have to help her latch anymore.  She's able to do get a good latch herself and finally understands she needs to keep her hand out of the way.  These two things make nursing so much easier!

Happy Anniversary - 2014!

We celebrated our 11th Anniversary on May 10th.  I had originally thought we could have Aja watch the kids while we went out to eat a nice dinner or something.  Well, then the night came and #1 - Max was sick #2 - Aja was recovering and I didn't want to make her watch our kids #3 - Aja only had 2 nights here and so I didn't want to take away from our limited time with her.  So, we ended up staying home and saying that we would celebrate later.  (I knew that we wouldn't end up celebrating later but still felt we made the right decision despite my disappointment.)

Ahhh Sweet, Youthful Love

That sweet, youthful love has turned into mature love which is so much better.  Peter is such a great match for me.  Is our relationship perfect?  No.  That would be unrealistic.  But it is great.  He is a good partner and I am so grateful to him for putting up with me lately through my moodiness and demands of pregnancy and postpartum.  

11 Things I love about being married to Peter

1. He scratches my back whenever I need it.
2. He kills bugs so I don't have to.
3. He still makes me laugh out loud.
4. He hasn't complained about my weight in years - I appreciate that.  His silence about it makes me feel like he loves me regardless.
5. He encourages me to get pedicures.
6. I love that we have a history together.  It is special to me that we can talk about things we did together 18 years ago.
7. He knows my limits and standards and respects them.  For example - he doesn't push me to watch movies that I don't want to.
8. He loves and supports my extended family.
9. He's a smart guy!
10. He wants our little family.  He was the one pushing for us to have another baby (I didn't think I was ready yet).
11. He supports me being a working mom and has no problem taking care of things when I travel.

My present to Peter - a timer (not the twist kind, it's much cooler with buttons and lights) for the fan in the bathroom.  Now, he needs to install it. :)

Peter's present to me - he is going to install drip lines for the planters on the side of our driveway so I don't have to hand water the flowers!

For our anniversary, a few months ago I got us tickets to go see Dave Matthew Band in concert...and I didn't go with the cheapest seats possible.  That will be in about a week.  Can't wait!!

Visitors!! An Aunt and a Disease. What?!

We were so excited to have Peter's sister, Aja, come back to visit us.  She had just been in here in March but she really wanted to meet Emmalyn and so she came back!  We feel very lucky to have her come to Texas twice in a few months! (...Especially since she had just had a medical procedure done the day before and was still recovering!)

She arrived at the airport during Max's nap time so in the car I told him that he needed to fall asleep and take a nap.  I didn't know if it would work but I was worried about how he'd behave without a nap.  Whew - he listened!  (Emmalyn slept like a champ too!)

She brought us a lot of presents!  Each of her 4 kids had picked out something for Emmalyn plus she brought a present for Max AND Landen and Hayden.  Thanks for all the great stuff, Aunt Aja!  You were so generous and thoughtful.

Max is really good and knowing our rules (except "don't jump on the couch"...that rule might as well have never been spoken).  One of the gifts from Aja was some bubbles and she opened it up and blew some in the house and he stopped her said that we blow bubbles outside.  :)

Artwork by Maxwell.  I liked this one.

Three days ago, Landen wasn't feeling well and got this rash on his body.  Brittany took him to the doctor to get checked out because it looked like a few things that were pretty scary (not to mention how scary they could be if Emmalyn caught it).  Turns out that he had Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease.  Sounds pretty bad but learned that it isn't that bad.  He puts his hands in his mouth a ton and probably picked it up when they visited Hayden's school the previous week.  Anyway, the doctor just said to keep him away from the baby to try and prevent her from getting it but if she didn't it would be critical, wash your hands really well, and it would just pass on its own with no medicine.  The bummer part of this was that Landen really really really loves Emmalyn and it was torture to be around her without touching her so Brittany kept him upstairs all the time to try and prevent the disease from spreading to Maxwell or Emmalyn.  That also meant that I lost my helper because she was staying away from the baby as well.  So, all that great help that I had been getting (holding the baby while I showered or getting Max breakfast while I was nursing, etc.) went away.  Now I REALLY had to do it all on my own during the day.

So a few days pass and the first night Aja is here, Peter was putting pajamas on Maxwell and came out and showed me these pics on his phone that he had just taken...  CRAP!  My kid has caught the disease.

His hip

His shoulder

He had a fever the previous night and acted sick but I thought it might have been a fluke.  Well, apparently the fever shows up first with HFMD (Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease) and the sores show up after that.  The sores shouldn't itch but if they get them in their mouth it can be really painful for them.

This was not good because Max now was really liking to kiss Emmalyn a lot, mainly on the head, and saliva is how the disease gets spread.  Just today he was talking about how he wants to make her happy.  He will talk to her and then tell me what she says.  For example "She says she wants a crunchy" (Cap'n Crunch Berries).  And he tell her that he loves her.  It's really sweet and I so want him to love his sister.  And now I have to curb that and keep him away from her as much as possible and certainly stop all the kissing.  Grrrrrr

Video - Emmalyn still has a little bit of the sweet newborn cry.  But she also has a piercing cry that seems to grace us more frequently in the middle of the night.

Emmalyn and the gorgeous blanket Aunt Aja made for her.  

She made one for Max when he was born that he still sleeps with. 

Video - Max showed off his "sight words" skill for his Aunt

I think Maxwell's language skills, especially his large vocabulary and complex (for a 2 year old) sentences are really good.  Aja asked Max if he had cereal for breakfast and he automatically said yes without thinking about it.  He then stops, thinks, and says, "No, actually, no.  I had oatmeal for breakfast."

Give a toddler a spray bottle and they are entertained forever!

More sores were showing up

Emmalyn is awesome at holding up her head.  Notice how bad her baby acne is getting - it's awful!  Her pediatrician said I could use Cetaphil wash on her face to help with it but I haven't because #1 - it's not made for babies and #2 - I feel like baby acne is normal and I should just let it run its course

Video - She's not even 1 month old yet and she's so strong!  Look at how long she holds her head up during tummy time.

Poor Max was not feeling well and wanted to cuddle.  

The sores didn't seem to bother him.  He called them his "dots" and would count them.  He didn't get many on his hands and feet but he did get some in his mouth.  Luckily they didn't bother him so much that he wouldn't eat or drink.  He mainly got the sores on his shoulders, upper arms, back, and upper legs.  They certainly looked awful and can last 10 days!  We all did lots of frequent hand washing to try and protect Emmalyn.  I was grateful that Max isn't a kid that puts things or his hands in his mouth.

Since Brittany took Landen to the pediatrician, I didn't feel like there was any need to take Max especially since there was no medicine to help with the disease.  Brittany also talked with the doc about Emmalyn, since he is also Emmalyn's pediatrician, about Emmalyn and her living in the same house as Landen.  And while he wanted to avoid her getting it if possible, didn't feel it would be serious if she happened to get it.  (In my extensive online research once Max got it, I learned that it isn't common for infants to catch the disease.  Also I figured she'd get some protection through my breast milk.)

Emmalyn holding onto Aja as if she were a steering wheel.

We let him play the iPad since he wasn't feeling well.  The iPad is quickly a group activity.

Max playing with the tool set Aunt Aja got him - he LOVES it.  She always picks out great presents for Max that are spot on.

Emmalyn and her Aunt

Max loved having Aja around!

Ahhhhh tickle monster!

Peter and his sister

We didn't "DO" much of anything during Aja's visit.  Her priority was spending time with Emmalyn, not sight seeing.  Plus, she was recovering and I wanted her to have the benefit of getting some rest while she was here since once she went home she'd have 4 kids to take care of.  It was a short visit and she was gone less than 48 hours after she got here but we enjoyed lots of talking and catching up.  Thank you so much for coming, Aja!!!