Second day in the hospital

Monday 4/14/14
Lots of pictures of Emmalyn but you know how it is...new baby, can't get enough pictures!

I was spoiled with flowers today and received a few deliveries.  Kimberly sent flowers and both my job and Peter's job sent flowers plus Mary Ann and Erika brought me a hydrangea plant when they came to visit.  I really felt loved and looking at the gorgeous flowers brought me much joy.

Lookin' pretty good for 4:30 in the morning...

Sleeping so sweetly

Peter changed her first diaper for the first time that morning.  Nearly 36 hours after she was born.  Yup, no need to prove ourselves this time... Nurses will change her?  Great!

Doesn't she look a little like a little Asian baby?  With her almond eyes and darker complexion, I keep looking at her and going, "Is that my baby?!"  I asked Peter a few times if he was positive that this was the baby that he saw come out of me.

Snuggled into Momma

Tender little girl 

Brittany brought up Max and Landen that morning (Hayden was in school).  Landen was really excited to hold the baby but Max had no interest.  This visit didn't go as well as yesterday because the boys just had a ton of energy that just overwhelmed the room.  I was happy to see Max and of course missed him but all that energy just ended up stressing me out.  Honestly it was a relief when they left.  (I feel bad saying it but it's the truth.)

Her first hat - a darling present (handmade!) from my Aunt Tammy.  She wore it out for out walk in the hallway and got many compliments.  Walking went okay - not as good as yesterday but it was still better than last time.  I didn't hunch over much but my pace was slower.

She passed her hearing test 

Wooo!!!  Solid meals!  My nurse let me have solids starting with breakfast even though I hadn't passed gas yet.  Apparently the sounds in my stomach were enough for her.  Lunch was chicken and rice.  It was delicious.

In addition to the yummy meals, we also enjoyed plenty of snacks.  One of the great things about the hospital is that they have a snack room filled with snacks that you (and dad) can enjoy 24-7.  There are crackers, cookies, sodas, juice, applesauce, pudding, jello, ice cream, popsicles, etc.  mmmmmmm

Look at all that hair! I hope she doesn't end up losing it all like Max did.

Skin to skin with Momma.

Skin to skin with Dad.

Big yawns for Dad

Apparently she didn't like Dad taking her picture (only a man would take a picture of this...Ha!)

Happily snuggled into Dad

I enjoyed a visit from our neighbors - Erika and Mary Ann.  It was nice of them to come visit.  It was really nice that we had the suite because we could all sit in the living room area.  (It was also nice for me to sit somewhere that wasn't the hospital bed!)  These are the fantastic friends who threw me a baby shower with Brittany.

Erika

Mary Ann

Later that afternoon we also had a visit from Jessica (who brought yummy cookies!).  It was crazy to think that just a few months earlier we were visiting HER in the hospital with her baby girl and now it was our turn.

Burping - awake

Oops, nope...back asleep again

We enjoyed dinner (they brought Peter a tray for each meal) and then Peter headed home to put Max to bed.

I got to participate in bedtime a little bit, thanks to Facetime.

That night we again sent Emmalyn to the nursery and then her nurse would bring her into my room and wake me up when it was time to nurse.  Then once I was done, I'd call the nursery and they'd come pick her back up.

Emmalyn Ann Millar Arrives!

After we got Max put to bed, we headed to the hospital.  We got to the hospital around 9 pm and they immediately took me back to a labor and delivery room.  I LOVE this hospital and the staff.  I have been looking forward to getting to stay here after giving birth because of the great experience I had last time.  

Smiling - must not have been having a contraction.  I wanted to get a last pregnancy picture of me in CLOTHES but yeah, things like that are easily forgotten when you are in labor.

Holy cow - that's a big belly...will she be a big baby??

So the nurses checked me out and I was around 2 cm and 80% effaced.  (Interesting because with the intensity of the contractions I would have figured I would have been more dilated.)  But that still was progress because just 4 days ago I was 0 and 0.  They put the monitors on me and the baby - which was difficult because the baby was moving so much that they kept having to re-position the monitor, got an IV going (which wasn't easy because they said my veins were really dry), and drew some blood.  I was still having contractions that I was having to breathe through.  They said the doctor was on her way and so we were moving forward with the c-section.

Then the busy paperwork stuff happened and they were bringing things in for me to sign, and the anesthesiologist was walking me through what would happen with the epidural and spinal block.  All of that was freaking me out and I was getting so nervous!  So after all of this, while we were waiting for the doctor, it hit me that I hadn't had a contraction in what seemed like a long time.  I didn't want to say it out loud because I didn't want them to say that I wasn't really in labor... but I had to bring it up.  I asked if it was a bad sign that I hadn't had a contraction in a while.  I was hoping that maybe I was just so focused on the paperwork and all the legal/procedural stuff that I had been distracted.  Yet when they checked the monitors, the contractions had slowed down.  DANG!  I hoped maybe it was just that the monitor didn't pick them up because of how many times they had to adjust them to get good readings.

So Dr Broderick-Thomas arrived (she was the on-call replacement for my regular doc) and was hesitant to move forward.  She said that it wasn't advisable to do a voluntary C-section when someone wasn't in labor and wasn't 39 weeks.  I was only 38 weeks and 1 day and she wasn't confident that I was in labor.  She thought that maybe I was just dehydrated and once they got the IV going and fluids in me, I was more hydrated and that is why the contractions stopped.  She said that having the baby now before I was 39 weeks put the baby at risk for complications with her lungs.  The Dr, however, didn't want to send me home only to have both me and her have to turn around and come back to the hospital even later in the evening (at this point it was 10:45 pm).  She said she would hang around the hospital for an hour and come back and check me at that point.  If I was truly in labor, I would show progression over that hour.  If I was just dehydrated and not really in labor, then things wouldn't progress.  I was bummed because if this baby was going to be born now with the hour delay, it would be on 4/13.  You don't want your baby to be born on the 13th - right?

The nurses and Dr basically left us alone at that point and Peter and I talked.  I REALLY didn't want to hear that I wasn't in labor because that would mean that most likely I would have to go through labor again.  I was nearly a week and a half away from my scheduled c-section date and I have always felt that I wasn't going to make it to that day.  The only way to have the baby earlier than that though would be to go into labor.  I had just dealt with contractions for the past nearly 7 hours.  It wasn't fun.  Who wants to sign up to do that again???  Not me!  At the same time, I didn't want to push for the surgery and open the baby up to unnecessary risks.  Peter was supportive but also did pointedly bring up how I had spent time in the sun gardening and then had laid in the sun with the neighbor for an hour and hadn't drunk as much water as I usually do.  Sure, I didn't drink as much as usual but I still drank some!  I didn't feel like I'd been so bad with the water that I put myself into dehydration.  I was feeling guilt that maybe something I had done, or not done, had caused my body to be doing something it wasn't time to do.

So we had one hour to see where this went.  I was comforted to know that if nothing progressed, at least they could probably send me home with something to make the contractions stop.

Quickly, after everyone left, things picked up again and I started having contractions that again I had to breathe through (and hold Peter's hand through - sorry babe for squishing your hand).  They certainly got more intense.  I remember looking at the clock at 11 pm and asking Peter when the hour was going to be up.  He said 11:45 and I was like, oh my goodness.  I can't make it that long!  But I did.  And at 11:45 when the Dr came back in to check me, I had progressed to 3 cm.  That was enough for her to feel confident that I was in labor.

Whew!  I wasn't going home.

Yikes - this was really going to happen.

I had been so excited at the beginning of this pregnancy knowing we were doing a scheduled c-section because it meant I wouldn't have to go through labor this time!  HA!  I jinxed myself because I ended up being in labor for nearly 8 hours.

At this point things happened quickly.  They started getting me ready and Peter quickly ran down to the car to get the camera.  They didn't even wait for him to get back before they took me into the operating room.  It was a little weird WALKING into the operating room and climbing up onto the table.  (They kindly brought in a step stool  for me to use to get up onto the table since I was so short.  HA!)  I was worried that Peter wouldn't get there in time and that I would have to do the epidural alone, but he made it.  I am such a wimp with that and asked the nurse standing in front of me if I could hold her hands through it.  They gave me both an epidural and a spinal block.  It was NOT fun.  I feel like it was worse than the last time.  I was also given something to help prevent nausea.  The anesthesiologist was NOT happy that I had those few bites of pizza earlier in the evening (naughty me!) and warned me not to throw up on her.  Thankfully, I never felt nauseous.

When the Dr was looking for my c-section scar from last time, she said it was the lightest c-section scar she had ever seen.  I wanted to tell her that she better give me something just as good.  :)

I was really worried that I would experience the horrible shaking that I went through the last time.  I remember that I was shaking so hard that I was clenching my teeth with everything I had in me because I didn't want to bite my tongue.  This time, the shaking wasn't that intense before the baby was born but I was really anxious and nervous.  I don't know why, it's not like I thought something was going to go wrong but I was really sooooooo nervous.  Peter could tell and so he offered to talk about his work to distract me.  It was much appreciated to focus on something else.  It seemed that the surgery (prior to the birth) took much longer this time which just prolonged my anxiety.  Peter kindly put his hand on my face to help me calm down, and it did help which was interesting because in normal life, I HATE having him touch my face like that.  A few times, Peter stood up and checked out what was going on past the curtain that separates my face from all the action.  I asked him what was going on but he wouldn't tell me.

Eventually, the moment came.  Peter got the camera ready and the Dr told me I'd feel a lot of pressure.  When the Dr first cut into the uterus I heard the amniotic fluid spurt out (Peter saw it), then right after the baby was born, the rest of the amniotic fluid came gushing out.  I know that sounds gross but I found it so interesting.  And when I say gushing, that's what it sounded like.  Like someone had dumped a bucked of water on the ground - - I HEARD it splash on the ground and heard the sounds of people exclaiming and jumping back to avoid it.  I know, it's sick, but it made me laugh a little.  Peter got pictures of them pulling her out and watched the whole thing - - THAT is gross to me.  It was so reassuring to hear her cry.

When the Dr held her up, I thought..."she looks just like the baby in the 3D ultrasound pictures we got".

Baby Girl Millar was born at 12:25 am on Sunday April 13, 2014 (4.13.14 - a palindrome).  She weighed 7 lbs 5.6 ounces, her head was 13.75 and she was 18.5 inches long.

Peter went off to the other part of the room with the baby to participate in all the stuff going on with her while the Dr proceeded to finish up the surgery.  The rest of the surgery did not go well for me.  I found it extremely uncomfortable and way worse than the last time.  It seemed that I was feeling more going on than I felt last time.  It felt like the Dr was poking around and doing things way up into my chest and not just in my abdomen.  At one point I couldn't take it anymore and mentioned to the anesthesiologist that I felt like I was feeling more than just "pressure" (which is what she had previously explained would be the only thing I should feel). So she upped something which then made me really cold and the shaking got really bad.  I felt so incredibly alone without Peter by my side.  It was awful and took FOREVER - such a different experience than I remember from last time.

Peter getting her footprints on his scrubs

Proud daddy with some really cute feet!

Peter finally brought the baby over for me to see up close.  She was really cute.  The anesthesiologist grabbed our camera and turned into a mini photographer - taking tons of shots and suggesting poses.  It was really sweet how into it she got.  I feel like we got some great pictures - thanks Dr. Katie!

Opening her eyes to my voice

After surgery was complete they moved us into the recovery room.  I was really cold and still shaking.  It took about 20 minutes until I felt like I was warmed up and calmed down enough that I could hold the baby.  We did skin to skin first for awhile and then tried nursing, which went great!  We stayed in recovery for 2 hours and then made our way to our postpartum room. 

Holding her for the first time

Peter held her after she was skin to skin with me and happened to hold her right up to where her footprints were on his shirt.  The ink came off on her.  Those are her own footprints on her belly. Whoops - who knew?

So great - I love doing skin to skin and bonding with her OUTSIDE of me.

Pretty girl.  She has such a dark complexion - darker than both Peter and I.  Not sure where that comes from.  It's such an odd and surreal thing to look at this sweet baby and try to comprehend this is the same being that only hours earlier was kicking and moving inside of you.

I had to check on Max (via webcam) to make sure he was okay.  He was.

When we got to our room (which was a suite - not sure how we got so lucky but it was great!), we worked on getting settled in.  The baby was in her bassinet making so much noise - - lots of whimpers and coos.  The nurses even commented on how noisy she was.  She must have been so excited to finally be heard!

Tired Peter - caught him yawning.

At about 3:45 am we were finally ready to get some rest.  We sent the baby to the nursery.  I remember with Maxwell, we kept him with us and that first bit of sleep was AWFUL because each little noise he made worried me and woke me up.  I swore I would never do that again.  This Momma needed to get some rest!  This time around I didn't need to prove that I could do it nor did I need to be super mom.  I knew that things wouldn't be easy and was going to take every bit of help offered without shame.

...but first...a treat! 

I was now on a liquid diet which didn't feel too bad to me because anytime you get to have a Popsicle, it's a good thing!

Making the most of our time as a family of 3

We realize that our days as a family of 3 are numbered.  So, we are making the most of the time we have left and really trying to spent a good deal of time with Max doing fun things.  Here's what we were up to from 4-1-14 through 4-11-14.

We took Max to dinner at Gatti Town (sort of like a Chuck E Cheese aimed at a little older kid) and played games and ate pizza.

Max driving a race car with dad's help on the gas pedal.

I found it so interesting that he reached out for the gear shift on his own without us telling him what to do.  We both drive automatics - how did he know to do that?

Video - Oh man...I am extremely pregnant!!!  Here's me at 36 weeks and 4 days.

The sweetest thing happened when we were leaving Gatti Town.  We had been looking with Max at what he could redeem his tickets for and he noticed these playground balls.  Well, we didn't have close to enough tickets to get the balls but he was trying to play with them.  A mom and her two kids were watching Max try, unsuccessfully, to get the balls out of the cage they were in.  We talked Max into getting a sucker, which was nearly as great in his eyes.  True to his typical behavior, he also picked one out for Momma.  :)

Anyway, we were leaving the restaurant and I heard someone calling to us.  I turned around and it was the little boy that had been watching Max try to get the ball.  He had a red ball in his hands and came up to us and asked if he could give the ball to Max.  It was so sweet!  We, of course, said yes.  I wish I had someone awesome to give this sweet, generous boy in return but didn't have anything worthy of his generous gift.  I gave him my sucker and Peter gave him the game card we were using that still had some tokens and tickets left on it.

Max was so excited and my heart was so touched!  Peter shared with me that when we were looking at the prizes he heard the two kids talking to their mom and overhead that they had about 1000 tickets together (the balls were like 500 tickets).  These sweet kids had taken their precious tickets and chosen to spend half of them to buy the ball for the little boy that had wanted it but didn't have enough tickets to have it.  I hope to raise such sweet generous kids that can get joy out of making others happy versus having the toys for themselves.

Max didn't want to give up the ball and even brought it with him at bedtime when he got his few minutes on the iPad.

Side view of the belly (holy cow - how do I stretch that far?! Since I'm so short this poor baby had no where to go but out.)

Front view

Video - We egged Max on to run out in a downpour to catch the rain.  :)

The storm turned nasty and dropped some serious hail.  That's not snow on my lawn - it's hail.  (Just a few miles away the hail was golf ball size - yikes!)  Spring in Texas brings crazy, and sometimes scary, weather!

We played outside with bubbles...

We rode scooters/bikes...

He's got the best lashes!  I'm jealous!

Love that smile!

We played with chalk... 

We made pancakes together...

While we were mainly focused on Max, we did do a few things for the coming baby.

I didn't get a picture, but Max captured this in one of the pictures he took with my phone - We have her crib up, the bedding is all washed, and we have some decorations on the wall.  Baby sister's space in our master bedroom is official!

We attended an Infant CPR and Safety class at the hospital.  It was really good to review the infant CPR and choking procedures.  The safety stuff was not as helpful because it was all info we are familiar and comfortable with.  We also got the car seat installed and checked.

We got a hair cut (and suckers)...

Max did AWESOME at holding still and being good during the hair cut.  He wouldn't move until the hair stylist would tell him to, even when it was an awkward position - she was amazed at how well he did.  He was sure to share a sucker with Momma.  (I didn't tell him he had to share his dum dum suckers with me, he's always done it on his own.)

We went out to breakfast at McDonalds and played in the play area.  Max loved his pancakes and orange juice.

We played catch with daddy...

(Momma took some time for herself and got a pedicure, prenatal massage and her hair done over the past few weeks - - gotta get that pampering in before there's no time for it!)

We went to dinner after swimming lessons...

Another picture of me, courtesy of Max.  37 weeks and 5 days.

We played soccer with daddy.  The weather has finally started to act like spring which means we have been outside more.  Unfortunately, I haven't had much energy to actually "play" with Max and spend more time just watching him play.  Peter's been great at picking up my slack  - thanks babe!

Video - Max and Peter kicking the ball

Notes from this time frame:
April 1 - I had one of my weekly Dr's visits.  She didn't check me this time, so I don't know if I am dilated or effaced however the results of my tests came back and apparently I tested positive for Strep B.  This is a bacteria that can be a big deal if I was going to deliver vaginally however since I will have a c-section they will already be giving me antibiotics which will protect the baby.

April 5 -
All about Max at 2 yrs 9 months!!!
He loves going to Kindermusik class and swimming lessons each week.  He has done amazing with potty training and hasn't had any accidents.  He only wears a diaper during naps and bedtime.  He is so polite, fun and smart.  He knows his alphabet (and can sing the song the traditional way or the way they sing it on the show Super Why).  He can count up to 29 and can also count backwards from 10 to 0.  He can count to 10 in Spanish.  He knows all of his letter sounds and knows a lot of sight words.  (I should really try to count and see how many he knows.)  He can finally push the pedals on a trike!  Right now he is really into the cartoon "Pocoyo", or Pocoyoo as he calls it.  He loves to sing and singing is now a part of our bedtime routine.

He is so considerate and when I cough, he asked if my belly hurts (because I was sick a few weeks ago with an awful cough that caused me extreme pain and he was aware of this).  He's been more cuddly with me lately and has even let me put him to bed a few times.  Not only that but when he's woken up from a nap or in the morning he's called for ME a few times to come and get him.  Remember, this boy is a daddy's boy!  These are things usually reserved for Peter.

He likes to talk on the phone but gets bored after about a minute and really he only cares about being able to hang up on people.  He will constantly ask you if he can hang up if you are letting him talk to someone.  He likes watching sports on TV and jeopardy.  (Don't ask why he likes jeopardy, but he does.)  When we ask him what Baby Sister's name is, he will say Emmalyn.  We had only mentioned this name to him as part of a list of names.  (For example - is her name "Camille", is her name "Olivia", is her name "Emmalyn"?) But the last few times he's been very quick to respond that her name is Emmalyn when all we say is "What is Baby Sister's name?"  So, perhaps that means it's the right name for our baby girl!  Max used to say "six" when you'd ask him what her name was.  We just need to decide how to spell it - Emmalynn, Emilyn, Emelynn, etc...the choices are endless!

All about me at 37 weeks 1 day (April 5) -
I am so uncomfortable and have been pretty grumpy for the past few days.  It really seems unreal that we are going to have a baby!   I don't want my life to change.  It's like I am already feeling the impending loss of current relationship I have with Max and I often want to wake him up when he's sleeping at night or during his naps on the weekend because I want to spend more time with him - of course I don't do it though.  As far as my symptoms go, I don't look too bloated and have just had minor swelling on my feet.  It was worse last time.  I am hungry at night though and usually have my first dinner around 7 or 8 and then I have another dinner/snack at 10 or 11.  It's a bad habit that's going to be hard to stop when the baby comes!  I am craving soda and am really making no effort to eat healthy at this point.  If it sounds good, I go for it.  I have to get up to pee all through the night.  As mentioned above, we don't have the baby's name completely decided on.  We talk about it nearly every night and keep going through the name book but don't feel like we absolutely know what her name is going to be at this point.  I have only minor nesting urges going on...it would be nice if it kicked in a little more!  At this point I've gained 24 lbs (weigh 204) since getting pregnant - not too bad but more than the goal my doc set for me (15 - 20 lbs) at the beginning.  (warning - TMI coming up but I want to remember when these pregnancy milestones happened so skip the next sentence if you don't want to read the personal/gross pregnancy stuff!) I think I lost the mucus plus today but I'm not 100% positive because it wasn't like it was last time but I don't know what else it could have been.

37 weeks and 2 days - - - Peter and I agree that she might be dropping because it looks like I am carrying lower.

37 weeks and 5 days -  Had another weekly Dr visit today where she checked me but again, nothing was happening.  0% dilated and effaced.  At this point with Max, things were definitely happening.  I think I was like 2 cm and 80% effaced (I'd have to look back at the blog to be sure...you can do the work if you care that much - -let me know what you find).  I asked her what she thought the baby would weigh and she guessed that the baby would be in the high 7 lbs or even 8 lbs.  I hope not - I thought Max's weight, just under 7 lbs, was perfect.  I really love my doctor.  She is a perfect match for me and I look forward to my visits and getting to talk with her.  She has a very busy practice and sometimes that means I may wait for awhile to be seen but it's worth it because I know when she is with me that I am going to get all of her attention and as much of it as I need.  I feel like we've got a great connection and that she truly knows and cares about me.  It's really comfortable to have a relationship like that with someone who plays such a key role in this life changing experience of bringing a child into the world.

This baby is still moving just not as much.  She has the hiccups all the time and gives me heartburn at night.  I have eaten so many more tums with this pregnancy compared to the first - - signs of a baby with a head of hair?  I am so nervous about the impending birth and really waffle between wanting to be done and wanted to keep things the way they are.  Max is still sweet and asking if my belly hurts each time I cough.  I have random contractions but nothing consistent or with any pattern.  I am much more aware of my contractions this time.