Emmalyn's 2nd week of life

So many pictures!  Being at home during the day means there are so many things to capture.  :)  Plus I'm trying to take a lot of pictures to send to Peter because he misses us during the day.

Max is really enjoying stuffed animals.  He recently discovered this darling cow from my friend Brittney that we had sitting on the a shelf in his room.  He has to sleep with all of his stuffed animals and now a few of them are coming out of his room with him in the morning.

Landen happily holding Emmalyn

Getting ready to go out. (Thanks Aunt Tawny for the outfit!)

I was concerned about Max's small fever and the fact that he threw up last night.  With Emmalyn being as young as she is, I didn't feel like I could take the risk of him having something really bad with her around.  I was able to get a Dr. appt for him that morning.  I still can't drive (both because of the c-section and the pain pills).  Brittany generously drove me and the two kids.  I was hoping to just have her and the baby stay in the car.  Max's doc is always fast and we rarely wait long.

I have chosen to take Emmalyn to a different pediatrician than Max.  I like Max's and he LOVES her but now that we live in a different part of town, it takes 20 minutes to get there and I don't want to be driving all that way with all the Dr visits you have with a new baby.  So Emmalyn is going to the pediatrician that Brittany and a few of my friends use.  He's just like 2 miles away and we can be there in 5 minutes.  Peter would have preferred that both kids were at Max's doc but he's supporting my wishes.  It's awkward though because Max's doc has seen me pregnant and I haven't told her that I wasn't going to be bringing the baby to see her.  I couldn't avoid the conversation now because clearly I was no longer pregnant and the whole reason for bringing Max in with a mild fever and throwing up is because of keeping the baby healthy.

In the waiting room

Silly faces

We sent daddy this silly face

He sent this silly face back to us

Things didn't go as planned...Because of the C-Section I can't lift Maxwell.  At all.  So the nurse lifted him onto the examining table.  But then he had to go poop.  So he climbed down from the table by himself but I can't lift him onto the toilet (which means I have gotten out of wiping many poopy bums for the last little bit!).  I called Britt and she came inside to help, which meant the baby came inside too.  Max's Doc hurt herself doing an obstacle race the previous weekend so she couldn't lift Max either, Britt came to the rescue again and lifted Max onto the exam table.  She just stayed in the exam room with the baby which meant that there was no way I could avoid the awkward conversation about why she wasn't seeing the same pediatrician as Max.  The "talk" went okay though and Max's doc seemed to be okay.  Anyway...it was a big stress to me that I had hoped to avoid forever.  Oh well.  The doctor found nothing wrong with Max.  Not even a slight fever anymore.  GRRRRR...  The price we pay for peace of mind?

Since we were already out, we stopped at the nursery to get some flowers for my planters, some tomato plants for my topsy turvy planters, and we decided to get a strawberry plant too.  I was glad to get this off my to-do list but man did I hurt afterwards!

That night we finally colored the eggs we had boiled for Easter dying.  Max had fun with it and it didn't matter that it wasn't Easter anymore.  :)  We just did one color though.  He drew on the eggs with crayons, which totally didn't work - at all!  We realized after that it didn't work because we were using washable crayons.  WHOOPS!

Not a very colorful or exciting bunch of eggs but Maxwell had fun.

Reading books at bedtime

Emmalyn throwing some gang signs?

Video - Emmalyn at about one week old

Yikes!  Her umbilical cord fell off at just 10 days old.  I was worried it might be too soon.

3 hours later it looked even more healed

Max was happy to get back to swimming lessons but wanted to make sure that Baby Sister was going to come watch him too.  His coach told us that he was all excited to tell her and the coach in the class next to them about his Baby Sister.  :)

She did.  (That's Max floating in the pool on his back with his coach, Katie.)

She loves having her hands by her face and escapes from the swaddle just enough to get them up there.

Her first piece of mail - crazy!  (Seeing it typed like that makes me go, are we sure we chose the right name?  It looks so weird...)

All snuggled up in such a little ball.  She loves to cuddle this way on your chest and rest her head on her hands.  I could let her do it forever.  I don't get much done because I am happy to just stay like this after she is done nursing.

I feel like I'm playing dress up with a doll.

Here's the outfit my Grandma and Grandpa Blank sent her.

I thought this was a funny way to fall asleep

Belly button 24 hrs after losing the cord - amazing!

We ventured out as a family for dinner for the first time.

Video - Max dancing to the good music (watch out, Peter!)

FINALLY!!!!  At 11 days old, Maxwell finally wanted to hold his little sister.  I was so excited!  I jumped up and grabbed the camera.  (And irritably noticed later that he was wearing Christmas pajamas.  GRRRR, why tonight?!)

That lasted for about 5 seconds, then she grunted and he pushed her away saying "She's pooping..."

Sweet nursing baby lips - all plump, soft, and whitish

It took me a few days to get out and plant the flowers and I pushed myself more than I should have with lifting the dirt, etc but I wanted it done!  One side of the garage...

...other side...

Emmalyn in her gorgeous blanket from Aunt Tawny and Uncle Alex

Sleeping baby - such cuteness

Peter took Max outside to play baseball and he did AWESOME.  He quickly was hitting it, and not just off the tee but when dad pitched, too.

Video - playing t ball

The boys helped me plant the strawberry plant (they played happily in the dirt)

Notes I took during this week:

April 23 - 

• Today I am down 20 lbs from my highest pregnancy weight - only 6 lbs to go to be back to the weight I was when I got pregnant.  Not bad for 10 days!!!
• Maxwell knows that "butt" is a bad word in our house" however he has learned the sight word "but" and doesn't understand there is a difference between the two words.  So he laughs whenever he reads the word "but".  Last night I said "head butt" and he immediately heard it and called me out on it.  It's amazing how aware he is of what is said and catches on to things like that!
• It's the day after his Dr visit and I know the doc didn't find anything but I still think he's a little sick.
• We are working with him on listening and doing what we ask/tell him to do and also not throwing things like his shows, the iPad, clothes...  He has had a lot of timeouts for not listening.  He is also starting to talk back a little too - UGH.
• Emmalyn is cluster feeding today which has meant it's been a rough day!!  All I did all day was feed her, burp her, hold her, feed her, burp her, hold her.  I think at one point by butt didn't leave the couch for 4 hours.

April 24 - 

• Brittany took the boys to the library and when they were leaving I asked Max if he wanted to give Emmalyn a kiss goodbye.  He said yes.  So I knelt down with her and he gave her a kiss and then says (on his own) "I love you".  So sweet!!!  I then asked if wanted to do a family hug (where we do a big group hug) and he said yes but then he wouldn't touch her during the hug.  Oh well, you win some, you lose some.  (However, later that night, as mentioned above, he did finally say yes when we asked if he wanted to hold her.)

April 26 - 

• The past 3 nights, we haven't been waking her up to eat at night every 3 hours.  I have just been so exhausted, that I couldn't bring myself to do it.  It meant that we would get almost 4-5 hours of sleep which is great!
• Peter doesn't feel like he connecting with her.  The main thing he does with her is change her diapers when she gets up to nurse and get her undressed.  Well, it's not a great way to connect because she screams like crazy during this process.  
• I'm super tired but the stress of not accomplishing things is really wearing on me.  I don't like that I have a "to-do" list and nothing is getting done.
• I've been on an emotional roller coaster.  Like tonight...I found out that we weren't invited to a party for a kid Max's age in the neighborhood but a bunch of the other ladies/kids in the neighborhood were.  It felt like high school and that I was not part of the cool "group".  Looking back I know that's silly, and it's okay because even though I consider the mom to be a friend, Max and her daughter have never played together.  Yet in the moment it was incredible discouraging and brought me down.
• I had two separate friends from work visit today and bring over food - Sarah and Stacy.  I really appreciated it.  I never understood how great it was to get meals brought over until I had Max and I vowed I'd never turn one down again!  (I forgot this pledge and did turn one down once this week.  It's hard when people offer to not automatically say, no...we are good... we don't need anything. Letting people help me is not something that I am good at.  I hold tight to feeling and being perceived as capable.)  They both brought tons so we are set on leftovers (even with the Mejias eating it too).

Emmalyn Ann Millar Arrives!

After we got Max put to bed, we headed to the hospital.  We got to the hospital around 9 pm and they immediately took me back to a labor and delivery room.  I LOVE this hospital and the staff.  I have been looking forward to getting to stay here after giving birth because of the great experience I had last time.  

Smiling - must not have been having a contraction.  I wanted to get a last pregnancy picture of me in CLOTHES but yeah, things like that are easily forgotten when you are in labor.

Holy cow - that's a big belly...will she be a big baby??

So the nurses checked me out and I was around 2 cm and 80% effaced.  (Interesting because with the intensity of the contractions I would have figured I would have been more dilated.)  But that still was progress because just 4 days ago I was 0 and 0.  They put the monitors on me and the baby - which was difficult because the baby was moving so much that they kept having to re-position the monitor, got an IV going (which wasn't easy because they said my veins were really dry), and drew some blood.  I was still having contractions that I was having to breathe through.  They said the doctor was on her way and so we were moving forward with the c-section.

Then the busy paperwork stuff happened and they were bringing things in for me to sign, and the anesthesiologist was walking me through what would happen with the epidural and spinal block.  All of that was freaking me out and I was getting so nervous!  So after all of this, while we were waiting for the doctor, it hit me that I hadn't had a contraction in what seemed like a long time.  I didn't want to say it out loud because I didn't want them to say that I wasn't really in labor... but I had to bring it up.  I asked if it was a bad sign that I hadn't had a contraction in a while.  I was hoping that maybe I was just so focused on the paperwork and all the legal/procedural stuff that I had been distracted.  Yet when they checked the monitors, the contractions had slowed down.  DANG!  I hoped maybe it was just that the monitor didn't pick them up because of how many times they had to adjust them to get good readings.

So Dr Broderick-Thomas arrived (she was the on-call replacement for my regular doc) and was hesitant to move forward.  She said that it wasn't advisable to do a voluntary C-section when someone wasn't in labor and wasn't 39 weeks.  I was only 38 weeks and 1 day and she wasn't confident that I was in labor.  She thought that maybe I was just dehydrated and once they got the IV going and fluids in me, I was more hydrated and that is why the contractions stopped.  She said that having the baby now before I was 39 weeks put the baby at risk for complications with her lungs.  The Dr, however, didn't want to send me home only to have both me and her have to turn around and come back to the hospital even later in the evening (at this point it was 10:45 pm).  She said she would hang around the hospital for an hour and come back and check me at that point.  If I was truly in labor, I would show progression over that hour.  If I was just dehydrated and not really in labor, then things wouldn't progress.  I was bummed because if this baby was going to be born now with the hour delay, it would be on 4/13.  You don't want your baby to be born on the 13th - right?

The nurses and Dr basically left us alone at that point and Peter and I talked.  I REALLY didn't want to hear that I wasn't in labor because that would mean that most likely I would have to go through labor again.  I was nearly a week and a half away from my scheduled c-section date and I have always felt that I wasn't going to make it to that day.  The only way to have the baby earlier than that though would be to go into labor.  I had just dealt with contractions for the past nearly 7 hours.  It wasn't fun.  Who wants to sign up to do that again???  Not me!  At the same time, I didn't want to push for the surgery and open the baby up to unnecessary risks.  Peter was supportive but also did pointedly bring up how I had spent time in the sun gardening and then had laid in the sun with the neighbor for an hour and hadn't drunk as much water as I usually do.  Sure, I didn't drink as much as usual but I still drank some!  I didn't feel like I'd been so bad with the water that I put myself into dehydration.  I was feeling guilt that maybe something I had done, or not done, had caused my body to be doing something it wasn't time to do.

So we had one hour to see where this went.  I was comforted to know that if nothing progressed, at least they could probably send me home with something to make the contractions stop.

Quickly, after everyone left, things picked up again and I started having contractions that again I had to breathe through (and hold Peter's hand through - sorry babe for squishing your hand).  They certainly got more intense.  I remember looking at the clock at 11 pm and asking Peter when the hour was going to be up.  He said 11:45 and I was like, oh my goodness.  I can't make it that long!  But I did.  And at 11:45 when the Dr came back in to check me, I had progressed to 3 cm.  That was enough for her to feel confident that I was in labor.

Whew!  I wasn't going home.

Yikes - this was really going to happen.

I had been so excited at the beginning of this pregnancy knowing we were doing a scheduled c-section because it meant I wouldn't have to go through labor this time!  HA!  I jinxed myself because I ended up being in labor for nearly 8 hours.

At this point things happened quickly.  They started getting me ready and Peter quickly ran down to the car to get the camera.  They didn't even wait for him to get back before they took me into the operating room.  It was a little weird WALKING into the operating room and climbing up onto the table.  (They kindly brought in a step stool  for me to use to get up onto the table since I was so short.  HA!)  I was worried that Peter wouldn't get there in time and that I would have to do the epidural alone, but he made it.  I am such a wimp with that and asked the nurse standing in front of me if I could hold her hands through it.  They gave me both an epidural and a spinal block.  It was NOT fun.  I feel like it was worse than the last time.  I was also given something to help prevent nausea.  The anesthesiologist was NOT happy that I had those few bites of pizza earlier in the evening (naughty me!) and warned me not to throw up on her.  Thankfully, I never felt nauseous.

When the Dr was looking for my c-section scar from last time, she said it was the lightest c-section scar she had ever seen.  I wanted to tell her that she better give me something just as good.  :)

I was really worried that I would experience the horrible shaking that I went through the last time.  I remember that I was shaking so hard that I was clenching my teeth with everything I had in me because I didn't want to bite my tongue.  This time, the shaking wasn't that intense before the baby was born but I was really anxious and nervous.  I don't know why, it's not like I thought something was going to go wrong but I was really sooooooo nervous.  Peter could tell and so he offered to talk about his work to distract me.  It was much appreciated to focus on something else.  It seemed that the surgery (prior to the birth) took much longer this time which just prolonged my anxiety.  Peter kindly put his hand on my face to help me calm down, and it did help which was interesting because in normal life, I HATE having him touch my face like that.  A few times, Peter stood up and checked out what was going on past the curtain that separates my face from all the action.  I asked him what was going on but he wouldn't tell me.

Eventually, the moment came.  Peter got the camera ready and the Dr told me I'd feel a lot of pressure.  When the Dr first cut into the uterus I heard the amniotic fluid spurt out (Peter saw it), then right after the baby was born, the rest of the amniotic fluid came gushing out.  I know that sounds gross but I found it so interesting.  And when I say gushing, that's what it sounded like.  Like someone had dumped a bucked of water on the ground - - I HEARD it splash on the ground and heard the sounds of people exclaiming and jumping back to avoid it.  I know, it's sick, but it made me laugh a little.  Peter got pictures of them pulling her out and watched the whole thing - - THAT is gross to me.  It was so reassuring to hear her cry.

When the Dr held her up, I thought..."she looks just like the baby in the 3D ultrasound pictures we got".

Baby Girl Millar was born at 12:25 am on Sunday April 13, 2014 (4.13.14 - a palindrome).  She weighed 7 lbs 5.6 ounces, her head was 13.75 and she was 18.5 inches long.

Peter went off to the other part of the room with the baby to participate in all the stuff going on with her while the Dr proceeded to finish up the surgery.  The rest of the surgery did not go well for me.  I found it extremely uncomfortable and way worse than the last time.  It seemed that I was feeling more going on than I felt last time.  It felt like the Dr was poking around and doing things way up into my chest and not just in my abdomen.  At one point I couldn't take it anymore and mentioned to the anesthesiologist that I felt like I was feeling more than just "pressure" (which is what she had previously explained would be the only thing I should feel). So she upped something which then made me really cold and the shaking got really bad.  I felt so incredibly alone without Peter by my side.  It was awful and took FOREVER - such a different experience than I remember from last time.

Peter getting her footprints on his scrubs

Proud daddy with some really cute feet!

Peter finally brought the baby over for me to see up close.  She was really cute.  The anesthesiologist grabbed our camera and turned into a mini photographer - taking tons of shots and suggesting poses.  It was really sweet how into it she got.  I feel like we got some great pictures - thanks Dr. Katie!

Opening her eyes to my voice

After surgery was complete they moved us into the recovery room.  I was really cold and still shaking.  It took about 20 minutes until I felt like I was warmed up and calmed down enough that I could hold the baby.  We did skin to skin first for awhile and then tried nursing, which went great!  We stayed in recovery for 2 hours and then made our way to our postpartum room. 

Holding her for the first time

Peter held her after she was skin to skin with me and happened to hold her right up to where her footprints were on his shirt.  The ink came off on her.  Those are her own footprints on her belly. Whoops - who knew?

So great - I love doing skin to skin and bonding with her OUTSIDE of me.

Pretty girl.  She has such a dark complexion - darker than both Peter and I.  Not sure where that comes from.  It's such an odd and surreal thing to look at this sweet baby and try to comprehend this is the same being that only hours earlier was kicking and moving inside of you.

I had to check on Max (via webcam) to make sure he was okay.  He was.

When we got to our room (which was a suite - not sure how we got so lucky but it was great!), we worked on getting settled in.  The baby was in her bassinet making so much noise - - lots of whimpers and coos.  The nurses even commented on how noisy she was.  She must have been so excited to finally be heard!

Tired Peter - caught him yawning.

At about 3:45 am we were finally ready to get some rest.  We sent the baby to the nursery.  I remember with Maxwell, we kept him with us and that first bit of sleep was AWFUL because each little noise he made worried me and woke me up.  I swore I would never do that again.  This Momma needed to get some rest!  This time around I didn't need to prove that I could do it nor did I need to be super mom.  I knew that things wouldn't be easy and was going to take every bit of help offered without shame.

...but first...a treat! 

I was now on a liquid diet which didn't feel too bad to me because anytime you get to have a Popsicle, it's a good thing!